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It’s A Urinal … Not A Garbage Can!

I can’t even begin to think what goes on in men’s head at the urinal, nor do I want to. For the ladies who never saw one of these, this is a waterless urinal. This bad boy doesn’t flush or even have a water source, It saves us tons of water a year. Up to 40,000 gallons per urinal. Wow great. But what I don’t get is why to men spit in , and throw trash into it? It is disgusting! I go over to the damn thing and there is always gum and a loogie in this damn thing. What the hell?!?! Stop doing that. Why does our society never think of their fellows? When you are about to spit your gum in there, I want you to think “How would I like to step up to the plate and see this?”  Or better yet think “How would I like to be the guy with rubber gloves on picking up pissed on, chewed gum and trash?” Sure it’s his job, but only by default.

Since I have your urinal attention I think I’ll take it one step further. If you don’t want to hold your dick while peeing then sit your ass down on a toilet. I mean come on, we are grown ass men here, why are you peeing on the floor? I don’t care how big you think your dick is, unless it is sitting into the urinal (which is gross), you need to take your thumb and index finger and hold onto it. It’s like why do we install plumbing in doors when you act like you’re in an outhouse? Next time you’re at the urinal look down and see how many men pee on the floor. It’s ridiculous. Between the gum and pee on the floor I feel like I’m on the streets of India.

Now onto farting at the urinal. Please to not come near me to pee and fart. I’m not your homeboy and it ain’t funny. Farts are for your friends not strangers. Matter fact any noise you make at the urinal is wrong. It creeps me the fuck out when a man stands next to me, starts peeing, moans, and then farts. I mean what the fuck is that? A mating call? I mean really! Stop it! Its awkward and I don’t me fake awkward like those dumb “awkward moment’ posts on Facebook, but real awkward like your ugly boss hitting on you asking you if you want a promotion, and telling you there is something you can do that’ll help put you up for consideration.

I hope everyone has found this post informative. Let’s make the bathroom as pleasant of an experience as we can.