The Right Swimsuit: Male Edition

This epidemic has never seemed to be addressed. If you go to the Gay beach you see some of the best but mostly the worst swimsuits ever. The problem is that men do not pick out the right swimsuit for their body. Just because you wanna look like that model doesn’t mean if you wear the same thing you will. The most common mistake is when a guy wants to wear something sexy but is afraid of a speedo. So what they opt for is square cut, hot pant. While they are thinking they are looking cute, they really aren’t. Those suits are the hardest to wear. You have to have a PERFECT body to wear those or they really just don’t work. What they tend to do is flatten and widen your ass. So if you don’t have a natural bubble ass, you end up with a short stack from iHop, also known as Pancake ass(See image 1.) I can not stress to people enough that your back is the most import side of you, because that is what people see when you walk away. Do you really want them to think “Ooooh he was cute, but hes got that weird disease Nosital (Pronounced NO ASS AT ALL!) And if you’re a bitter Queen like me that’s when you make fun of people, as they walk away. My theory look great from the front even better from the back. The point of my story being is if you wanna be sexy at the beach or pool opt for a shorter short like mid thigh (Image 2) which tend to great on almost everyone or… Go full on speedo(Image 3), the shape of the back helps lift up you butt cheeks given you a perky booty (if it fits you properly) If you are a little on the thick side I would stay away from the white speedo as it looks like a diaper from a distance and hunnie that is never a good look. Another swimsuit all men should have is a nice, simple board short.(Image 4) While in fact we all love to feel sexy, I am a firm believer that there is a time and place for it. Meaning if you are at a family gathering and a lot of children put your speedo away and grab your board shorts. You don’t always have to advertise to be sexy, this is were your personality kicks in.


  1. Steph J

    yes, yes, all of this: yes.

  2. ScottyP

    Great post, Marko – love your writing. Personality really comes through!

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